Why Star Wars Is Better Than Titanic

  1. The Titanic is big, but it doesn’t have hyperdrive.
  2. Yoda could’ve used the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
  3. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material. Rose is just marriage bait.
  4. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
  5. When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge couldn’t say, “Look at the size of that thing!” and really mean it.
  6. It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.
  7. Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral.
  8. Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral does not lose his ship.
  9. We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy ’cause he strangles people & blows up planets for fun.
  10. Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?
  11. Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.
  12. There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.
  13. Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed “kings of the world?”
  14. If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would use the Force to get the key.
  15. Nothing has the same sting as “I’d rather kiss a Wookie.”
  16. Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.
  17. Han Solo would’ve steered clear of that stinkin’ iceberg!
  18. We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could’ve anticipated, “Luke…I am your father”?
  19. Stormtroopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters; everyone in Titanic was a minor character.
  20. When Star Wars was proclaimed coolest movie of all time by half of planet earth, George Lucas did not make a fool of himself at the Oscars.
  21. Titanic morals:
  • gamble
  • cheat on your fiancé
  • pose nude for pictures
  • premarital sex is OK if you’re infatuated
  • let undesirables drown
  1. Star Wars morals:
  • fight evil
  • do good
  • respect all life even if it’s ugly and slithers
  • rescue the princess
  • save the planet

Yes, an oldie, but a goodie, back from when James Cameron’s history lesson run amok displaced Star Wars as the highest-grossing movie of all time…